Wednesday, August 18, 2010
This is the wish casting question of the week from one of my favorite places, Jamie Ridler Studios. It is one that could be answered in so many ways..I would love a fresh start with so many things...my health...diet and more exercise is always an ongoing wish. I would've said my business, but, I am already on the road to making that wish come true. So, after looking through some of my pictures, this one stood out to me. I took it from my back door from the house we just moved into a year ago. I lived in Maine for the past 13 years and always dreamed of living in the country, surrounded by nature. Our property in Maine was my wish come true and I lived in what I named, "Wildberry Cottage", surrounded by wild blueberries and 7 acres of Balsam Fir trees. It was my sanctuary and I thought I would live there forever. But, life had other plans. I became a grandmother...to one precious little girl in Virginia Beach and then to another gift from God in Connecticut. I just could not be apart from these little lights and my sanctuary began to feel like a prison that kept me from them. So, we made a decision to move to Ct. and in a matter of months, we were here. We were blessed to find a house in a beautiful neighborhood, surrounded by wonderful people. I lived a very secluded life in Maine..here, I am more challenged to get out there. I have joined the neighborhood book chat and it is wonderful..especially the women who I am getting to know. I really wish to make a new start here and go for it. It is not as easy as I thought it would be. I struggle with missing Maine, being a recluse and having the courage to make new friends. Maine was safe...it was easy to hide in my life. My home here is open to the world on all sides. It takes me out of my comfort zone to be so exposed and yet, I know it is a good thing. I am not meant to hide...not anymore. Sometimes, the things we settle into as comfortable are not what is really good for us. So, my wish is to make a new start here. To embrace every change and be fearless in creating this new life of mine. To see the rainbow in this picture, and it was a double one, by the way, is a reminder that I am where I need to be and my wish is being blessed by the heavens above. Not a bad place to be at all.....
Sunday, August 15, 2010
This is an exciting post for me! It is the very first one on my brand spankin' new blog that I designed myself after, just let me say, an obscene number of hours of trial and error and error and error. I wanted to see if a total computer illiterate like myself could do it and I am quite pleased. I really needed a new look from my old blog, Wildberry Gatherings, which was very pretty, but also very dark in color. This new blog really mirrors how I am feeling lately...more alive and more than a little sassy with life! So! That meant a new name for my business, as well! My daughter, Emily, came up with the idea. Seems I have made a point throughout my children's lives to point out to them (on occassion..ahem.) that "I am the Queen Bee around here." It seems the older I get, the more I repeat that I am the Queen..and you know what? I am kinda liking it. It seems to me that when you reach my age, you have kind of earned it. So, I say, with pride, that I dub thee, new blog..."Queen B. Attitude"! May she be a place for inspiration, laughter and honesty...the real deal. In that spirit, I answer Jamie Ridler's, "Wishcasting" question.."Who do I wish to send more love to?" The answer is one that feels a bit awkward for me to say...it comes from that old feeling that everything should be for everyone else and not for myself. In my life, I have found it very easy to love people. I have not had a problem showing the people in my life that I love them, in fact, I am known as the "Queen of Mush." I am one of those people who just have to hug, say "I love you" every time I hang up the phone and embarrass my kids with public displays of affection. No problem. There is only one person I can think of that I have met in my life that I found it nearly impossible to love...me. I grew up insecure, fearful and damaged..too much hurt, fear and rejection left me pretty damaged goods. Life has not been easy and with each heartbreak, I took it personally.. I obviously didn't deserve any better... God was not on my side, but the stern father, doling out punishment. On the outside, most people would say I was a very cheerful person who was always laughing and smiling. That is a huge part of who I am, but inside, I also was really lost within my negative thinking...and then, I turned fifty. So many women dread midlife and see it as a beginning to the end. Miraculously, for me, it has just been a beginning..a rebirth. With age comes clarity and I have finally begun to emerge out of that cocoon, that chrysalis and I am ready to shed that dried up old exterior and put on my new self. My authentic self...the one I was created to be..imperfect, but enough. For me..that is a huge step in the right direction. So, in that spirit, I send myself some love. Love to that little girl inside who has been angry for most of her life at the unfairness of it all...Love to that girl in the mirror who is not the size 6 she once was, but who is still told she is beautiful by her soul mate everyday and is now, just beginning to believe it..and Love to that fearful spirit who is ready to accept her place as a child of God, created and destined for great things and ready to make them happen. It is a long time coming and I still have to get used to these new wings of mine. I have loved those around me. It's about time I stretch those wings and love myself. So, when I thought of naming my business, "Queen B. Artistry" I was apprehensive...what if people think I am all full of myself and wonder, "Who does she think she is?" Well, the truth is," Queen B. Attitude" is not all about me. My vision for my blog is to inspire and encourage an attitude of self acceptance and love of life for all who read it. We are all Queens in our own lives and I have come to realise something. The more we love ourselves and nurture our creativity and passion and take care of ourselves, the more powerful our love will be for others. We will come from a healthy place, a joyous place..a place of gratitude and confidence, brimming with positive energy that can't help but spill over into everything we do and touch everyone we meet with love. THAT is the authentic life and the one I was created to be...the one you were created to be. So, as I wish to send more love to myself, I wish also to send it outward to you. May you be blessed with full measure to overflowing and embrace all that love has to offer!