It is another Wishcasting Wednesday at Jamie Ridler Studios...one of my favorite places. She always leads me to really think and ask myself some questions that bring much needed clarity to my life. This weeks question, "What do I wish to focus on?" could have several answers...obvious ones, like: losing weight, being healthy, getting organized, etc..but, I like to dig a bit deeper and try to find some new truth that isn't so obvious. Lately, I have found myself kind of stuck in the "If only's"...you know, "if only this hadn't happened, I would be happy" or "if only that person hadn't done that to me then I would be not going through this or that"...it is a very insidious little rut to fall into and can be hard to dig ones self out of. Especially, if one is rather feeling sorry for herself and wallowing in it like a little piggie neck deep in the mud. It seems to me, it really is an issue of not wanting to let go. If I let go of the "If only", then I might just have to move forward to the "What if?"..like, "what if I learn from this lesson and make something positive come out of it?" Or, even harder, "What if I stop feeling sorry for myself for what I don't have and be grateful for what I do and stop looking over the rainbow for something that is right in front of me?" Ahhh...now you see why I chose Dorothy as my blog picture. She epitomizes the state of being I have been in..there is something outside of myself that I am lacking and if I can just get my hands on it, life will be all bluebirds. If my life's circumstances were different, then I would find the end of the rainbow..it is all out of my hands..and on and on..blah.blah.blah. Pathetic! For Dorothy, it takes a freaking tornado to move her to a new place...she fights a wicked witch and goes through hell just to find out that the witch melts away with a bucket of water...Then, after all that, she is told that "She always had the power within her to go home" and she never needed the wizard at all, but just needed to click her shoes 3 times. I am sorry, but as much as I love the movie, if I were Dorothy, I think I would've punched Glinda square in her pretty little glittery face. And...I might add that I feel there is something missing at the movie that bothers me. When Dorothy finally clicks those heels and says, "There's no place like home", I just really wish that her life turned into one of brilliant color. That revelation should've counted for something and changed her world...who wants to live forever in sepia tones? SO!! I didn't really expect this to turn into a commentary on "The Wizard of Oz", but I feel like I am on a roll here. Is there an answer to the wishcasting question somewhere in this all? Yes, and here it is...I wish to focus on being over the rainbow about my life just where I am and as it is..in spite of the occasional tornado or fall in the pigpen. I do not need to follow a yellow brick road in search of someone or something outside of myself to bring some color in..I wish to stop giving away my power to those "if onlys" and choose to start dwelling in the possibility of "What if?" because that is where my power lies and Glinda is right..It has always been right there. So, I guess my focus is about letting go and letting in..letting go of the past...hurts, disappointments, painful rejections and all and focus on letting in...more love, more gratitude, more forgiveness..more blessing. I have a seriously blessed life...it is about time I clicked my heels about it!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Wow...do I have news to share with you! First, let me begin by saying that this year has been one of so much growth for me. It has been a year of deciphering just what works in my life and what doesn't..in my art and in my relationships. It has meant some hard decisions had to be made and some painful truths had to be faced and at one point, I felt so stripped that I didn't know what I believed anymore or exactly where my niche was. I have been a primitive folk artist for so many years and had reached that point where the joy was just gone. I needed a change and a new outlet for my creativity and so, I went back to my childhood and started to get to know that little girl within and let her come out to play...and what emerged was a totally different art that just made me smile whenever I had a brush in hand...I have always had a tremendous imagination and it seemed all of my fantasies came to life...mermaids, fairies and angels...little children with pudgy faces and flowers..lots of flowers, with lots of color! I took a few classes and discovered the technique of collage and that added even more to my world of possibilities..it felt like waking up after a long sleep, refreshing and full of expectation for what each day's imaginings would create. So, Queen B. Artistry was born..."B" being for me...bertie. "Queen" being for what my daughter said I have always been...I guess I may have used that title a few times during my children's growing up..you know...just a reminder of who is in charge? Anyway...I digress..which I am bound to do from time to time..Where was I? Oh..the exciting news! You know when you do something in your life and you just know it feels right and is the thing to do? Sometimes, you feel like you might be the only one who knows it is right and you just need that bit of confirmation to make it really feel right? Well...this new venture and art genre was a bit scary for me. It meant walking in a different direction, when the primitive look was still selling really well and represented security...big time. Well, I can say with great joy and relief that I got my confirmation...at a primitive art show of all places! I will just spit it out...I was approached by a beautiful lady at this show..she loved my new artwork and said it gave her such a happy feeling. This wonderful lady has a publishing company and are you ready???Wait for it...ok..that is long enough! She has asked me to illustrate A SERIES, I repeat, SERIES of children's books, featuring my little childhood characters! I can't tell you the details yet, as it is TOP SECRET and I would have to kill you..heehee. But, I can tell you that I am working on the first one and have already made plans for 2 more and who knows where this may lead? I am just flabberghasted and awed at how when you do what you love, the universe seems to align in agreement and God just opens the doors..ironically, this is usually after you have been heart broken because of other doors closing that you thought were reallllly good doors and you can't understand why they are now closed. Luckily, God knows what we don't...that there is something far more wonderful behind door #2..He is the ultimate Monty Hall, only he doesn't ever have a booby prize waiting for you. So! I must admit, I am a bit daunted at the task as it is new to me, this illustration process, but I know I am on the right path...my mind is filled to the brim with ideas and inspiration and my little characters are just itching to get out on that paper, so they can dance and dance...I think I will join them and as I do, I know I will be pinching myself and repeating, "Am I dreaming???"