WHO DO YOU WISH TO SEND MORE LOVE TO?

This is an exciting post for me! It is the very first one on my brand spankin' new blog that I designed myself after, just let me say, an obscene number of hours of trial and error and error and error. I wanted to see if a total computer illiterate like myself could do it and I am quite pleased. I really needed a new look from my old blog, Wildberry Gatherings, which was very pretty, but also very dark in color. This new blog really mirrors how I am feeling lately...more alive and more than a little sassy with life! So! That meant a new name for my business, as well! My daughter, Emily, came up with the idea. Seems I have made a point throughout my children's lives to point out to them (on occassion..ahem.) that "I am the Queen Bee around here." It seems the older I get, the more I repeat that I am the Queen..and you know what? I am kinda liking it. It seems to me that when you reach my age, you have kind of earned it. So, I say, with pride, that I dub thee, new blog..."Queen B. Attitude"! May she be a place for inspiration, laughter and honesty...the real deal. In that spirit, I answer Jamie Ridler's, "Wishcasting" question.."Who do I wish to send more love to?" The answer is one that feels a bit awkward for me to say...it comes from that old feeling that everything should be for everyone else and not for myself. In my life, I have found it very easy to love people. I have not had a problem showing the people in my life that I love them, in fact, I am known as the "Queen of Mush." I am one of those people who just have to hug, say "I love you" every time I hang up the phone and embarrass my kids with public displays of affection. No problem. There is only one person I can think of that I have met in my life that I found it nearly impossible to love...me. I grew up insecure, fearful and damaged..too much hurt, fear and rejection left me pretty damaged goods. Life has not been easy and with each heartbreak, I took it personally.. I obviously didn't deserve any better... God was not on my side, but the stern father, doling out punishment. On the outside, most people would say I was a very cheerful person who was always laughing and smiling. That is a huge part of who I am, but inside, I also was really lost within my negative thinking...and then, I turned fifty. So many women dread midlife and see it as a beginning to the end. Miraculously, for me, it has just been a beginning..a rebirth. With age comes clarity and I have finally begun to emerge out of that cocoon, that chrysalis and I am ready to shed that dried up old exterior and put on my new self. My authentic self...the one I was created to be..imperfect, but enough. For me..that is a huge step in the right direction. So, in that spirit, I send myself some love. Love to that little girl inside who has been angry for most of her life at the unfairness of it all...Love to that girl in the mirror who is not the size 6 she once was, but who is still told she is beautiful by her soul mate everyday and is now, just beginning to believe it..and Love to that fearful spirit who is ready to accept her place as a child of God, created and destined for great things and ready to make them happen. It is a long time coming and I still have to get used to these new wings of mine. I have loved those around me. It's about time I stretch those wings and love myself. So, when I thought of naming my business, "Queen B. Artistry" I was apprehensive...what if people think I am all full of myself and wonder, "Who does she think she is?" Well, the truth is," Queen B. Attitude" is not all about me. My vision for my blog is to inspire and encourage an attitude of self acceptance and love of life for all who read it. We are all Queens in our own lives and I have come to realise something. The more we love ourselves and nurture our creativity and passion and take care of ourselves, the more powerful our love will be for others. We will come from a healthy place, a joyous place..a place of gratitude and confidence, brimming with positive energy that can't help but spill over into everything we do and touch everyone we meet with love. THAT is the authentic life and the one I was created to be...the one you were created to be. So, as I wish to send more love to myself, I wish also to send it outward to you. May you be blessed with full measure to overflowing and embrace all that love has to offer!

I Believe She's Amazing Flash Mob - Toronto Eaton Centre

I just had to post this as a big thank you and hug for all of the phenomenal women who have influenced my life lately. I have not felt this full of hope and expectation and inspiration in..??? Well, maybe ever! I dedicate this to Kelly Rae Roberts in gratitude for her wonderfully inspiring "Flying Lessons" ecourse and to all of my fellow flyers, who are taking wing as we speak. This video's message.."I BELIEVE!" is so perfect for what we have learned recently and for what we are sharing with eachother on our journeys to live an authenticly creative life...our dream come true. What I see in this video is that WE are the dancers...no longer spectators, looking on, but actively moving, reaching for our stars and sending out our energy to impact the world with love and light and magic. .In a world full of so much sadness and stress, our dreams and creative imaginings are more important than ever..we may never know how many lives we touch or draw into our circle by being who we were born to be, but we can be sure of this...the world will be a better place...a more colorful place..a more creative place...for it is being infused with the positive life force of hundreds of amazing women with wings!! ..may this give you a little added lift in reaching your dreams and soaring to your greatest height!! be blessed!

How Do You Wish to Bloom?

Ok..I am busted. In my last post, I promised to be a good blogger and that was in...well...January. I know that is lamer than lame, but in all honesty, I have spent the past few months doing some really important work in finding out just what it is I want to say and share with you all. I have taken some time to do some really intensive personal reflection and have come across some really phenomenal women who have helped me in that journey. I share with you, one of those women...Jamie Ridler of Jamie Ridler Studios and she is a mentor in sharing how to live a creative and authentic life..It is her question that is the subject of this post. How do I wish to bloom? It would be easy to say that I wish to bloom with vibrant color and strength. I would love to attract many bees and leave them feeling nourished for having met me...and those statements would be true. But, I can feel that I want more than that and it has taken me until recently to discover why. For most of my life, I have felt that I just did not fit in...I was a wildflower in a garden of roses. I have often felt that I was just really trying to grow in the wrong garden or conditions...I needed more water and sunshine than most. I wanted to take more time to grow than the rest..I wanted to drink in the sunshine and let it warm my face for longer than was allowed. I was not really a good flower in the garden..I felt rebellious or inadaquate most of the time. It felt like I was always stretching to reach that elusive sunbeam, just out of my reach. A perfectionist, my blooms were just not as good or good enough or plentiful enough and I spent way too much time comparing my color and strengths to those around me. I have had people in my life, well meaning people, who have told me that I am too much of a dreamer. I have been told that to think that I can be an artist for a living is not realistic. I have heard, "Sure, everyone wishes they could stay home and be creative all day, but that is not reality." How many times have I been told to just go get a job??? Granted, reality means bills and responsibilities and I can't just piddle along day to day having a party, not getting serious about getting my art out there...after all..a flower's bloom can't be appreciated if it is seen by no one! I get that. But, miraculously, after some 50 odd years, I can say that I have had an epiphany...and I say to those who say that living the creative life and following my dreams is not a reality..."Bull Hockey"! It may not be THEIR reality, but it is MINE. In fact, I doubt that their "reality" is even theirs, at all. It is probably the reality that has been thrust on them by those who say so in their lives. This little bloom has realised something and it feels darn good. I AM A CREATIVE BEING. I WAS CREATED TO EXPRESS MYSELF CREATIVELY. Boy, that feels good. Whenever I have not been my true self and have tried to be a rose, instead of a wildflower, I have been miserable and have felt like I did not belong. But, here is the revelation...I am the one planting MYSELF in those gardens..and another revelation...being different does not mean I do not belong! I can bloom among roses, wildflowers or weeds...It is my choice and no one elses. How others see me does not change who I am. My dreams are important and are ordained by the One who made me. That does not mean that I will not have my struggles and days of significant wilting, where I wonder when the next drink of water is coming from. But, what it does mean, is that I can release myself from trying to fit that square peg into a round hole. How freeing...and I have come to know that I am not a bloom that is meant to stand alone, either. I have joyfully discovered that there are many wildflowers out there and bees, too, who are like me and I have been fed creative and inspirational nourishment from their example. I thank Andrea of ABCcreativity.com for her phenomenal inspiration and daily affirmation that I am worthy of all good things and that God supports me in living out my creative dreams. I thank Kelly Rae Roberts for her vision of sharing her positive energy and support of others on their quest through her "Taking Flight" ecourse... and Jamie Ridler, who is so committed to helping others find their authentic life and live it. I have been a bee, drinking in their life giving nectar and have been so recharged. I encourage all of you out there, yearning for more in your lives..more peace, joy, laughter, moments that are real and intimate, to explore the possibilities and check out what these women have to offer. As for me, how do I want to bloom? I want to bloom with all the intensity and energy that I have to give...with a gratitude for all that my Creator has blessed me to be..uniquelly me. I may not ever be the prize winning speciman of my species...I may just stay in that garden and bloom and die to bloom again...each time, stronger and smarter and hopefully, attractive to bees who can take some inspiration and use it in their lives. It doesn't mean I don't still have to stretch myself to reach that sunbeam..there is work ahead, for sure. But, I am not alone...I am surrounded by those who are here to support me..I am watched over by angels and a God who is in my corner and most importantly, holding the water can, knowing just the right moment I need a drink. I am in a garden of the most wonderful flowers and we are all different and valuable. It is the array of multi colors that fuse together to create a beautiful, one of a kind, work of art. The bees we attract not only take pollen from us, but spread the pollen from others to us...so, in all things, we are blessed. So, the journey ahead is one full of hope and I plan to share each moment I can with you, in hopes that you may leave refreshed and inspired to ask yourself this question... I ask you...little flower...How do you want to bloom?

Here's to New Beginnings!

2010! A fresh new year ahead of us, a pristine clean slate, just waiting for some new entries..what a wonderful feeling! Looking back on the past year, I have already had my sentimental indulgence as I recollected all that 2009 held for me, good and bad. I am blessed to say that in remembering, I had many occassions for smiles...recalling the sweet memories of times spent with precious family and friends..of adoring hugs and kisses from the little lights of my life, my granddaughters, Emily Ann and Madison Grace. I gave thanks for the blessed moments of celebration...Maddie's first birthday, where she had her first taste of sugar and fit as much cake into her little mouth as was possible! Then, there was Thanksgiving and the gratitude for family, as we sat around our parents dining table that has been handed down to my brother since their passing.We shared a fine meal, amidst much laughter and a bit of tears as we raised our glasses to toast the extraordinary mother and father who are so dearly missed. It is at those times that I give thanks for a grief so deep that I can weep after all these years. It is the evidence of a love that was just as deep and a blessing that will never grow old or die. The past year had several of those kind of moments..a time for tears at losing those I love and cherish so much. But, to never have tears to shed would mean not having much of a life to speak of...and I would not want to be spared the tears if it meant being spared the gift of their presence in my life, no matter how brief or long. So, after all of these smiles, tears, laughter and reflection, I have come to this conclusion... I have been truly blessed and in the coming year, I feel a passion and actually, a responsibilty to give back for all that I have been given. In that spirit, I have decided to require more of myself to live a life that is truly present, truly grateful, truly creative and passionate about the gifts that have been bestowed upon me. This stage of life has a life force all it's own and I feel like there is a fire burning from within..I guess it is time to take those hot flashes and put them to use and transfer them from body to soul! Look out world!! I think that should help create a more interesting blog..one that has more than 4 entries a year! I am sure there are not many out there who continued to follow after that pitiful representation, but I hope to win you back. I have had many people ask me to share what life is like at Wildberry Cottage and have expressed a desire to get to know "The Girl Beyond the Gate"..me. Well, my hope is to take you to the cottage and to my other home, "Daylily House" in Ct., to share the things that make my life so magical...perhaps a treasured recipe, or family tradition, a decorating idea or picture of something that inspired me...a craft or art project or just a simple joy that might bring a smile to your face. I plan to share who I am and hope you will be inspired to share who you are with me, so that we may share our journeys together. So, let us begin...may we all embrace the coming year with hope, gratitude, creative vision and a passion to live large! Happy and brightest blessing to you all and welcome 2010!!

Hello, Dear Friends...

Well, a ridiculous ammount of time has passed since my last posting. Honestly, the reason for that was that I could not seem to face my last entry about losing my wonderful dog, Brady. The grief over losing that precious friend has been deeper than I ever imagined. But, I am ready to move on and want to share the blessings of this life of mine. There is so much to be thankful for and Brady will always be a part of that for me. I want to thank all of you dear friends who offered kind words, support and compassion to me after his loss. What a precious gift you have given me. We are not alone on this journey of ours and it means so much to know that there are those willing to walk alongside and share their joys and sorrows. Truly..you blessed me beyond measure!

So! Time to go forward to as a favorite song of mine says,"Live your life with arms wide open. Today is how your book begins..the rest is still unwritten." In that spirit, let me attempt to begin another chapter and bring you up to speed a bit on what is going on with this wildberry girl. The little granddaughter in my previous post is over a year old already and a miraculous joy in my life! I get to just play three times a week and have her to myself while my daughter works...how fun is that? She is a little imp, overflowing with personality and smiles..I never imagined that being a Gramma was going to be such fun..I get to have the best of both worlds..a little one to watch learn and grow and also, my "big girl" granddaughter, Emily, who is now 8 years old and so much fun to be with. We love to talk about fairies and angels and she has a thousand questions! She lives far away, so I don't see her as often, but she is always in my heart. I find this stage of life to be such a creative and powerful time. It is as if all of my creative energy and passion for life has multiplied and taken on a life of it's own. I find I know myself more than I ever have and I feel comfortable in my own skin. It is a nice perk, amidst all of the hot flashes and the endless little surprises that come with this age of mine. My hair is about 50% grey now and I just can't bring myself to dye it..I like it. It seems like a rite of passage or something. I don't feel like I want to look younger than I am...with joy and laughter, let the wrinkles come! To me, they are evidence of a life filled with emotion..proof that there is life in these bones and the story has just begun a new chapter! Well, I suppose that this all sounds so lofty and grand and I am just so in control of my life and at peace with all around me..ha! Give me a minute or two and when the next hot flash hits, we will see how I do..all I can say is, "Thank goodness my husband doesn't read this blog or he would probably tell you a very different story!" But, for now...for tonight...all is right with my world. My children are safe..my grandchildren are happy..and I have a warm roof over my head on this chilly New England evening. A cup of Chai Tea before going to bed and we can call it a day to truly be thankful for.

A Sad Day at the Cottage

I want to share with you about a wonderful friend of mine. We are truly blessed if God allows us one friend in our life who shows such loyalty, unconditional love and selflessness as this friend. Not all of those friends He blesses us with walk on 2 legs...some walk on 4 and have a wagging tail. I have been blessed by such a friend for over 12 years..in that time, he has given me so many memories of joy and taught me more life lessons than I can count. His name is Brady and on Thursday evening, he is going to be leaving us to live a life, free from pain. We were chosen by him and we were chosen for him by God. We were moving to a new town in Maine and met the dog warden. He asked us if we were looking to have a dog and we said that we were. He said he had rescued a dog from neglect and abuse..one that had been so starved that he didn't think he was going to be able to save him, but he did. We said that we were really set on having a Golden Retriever..he said that this dog was a Golden Retriever and that he was 3 months old. We went to see him and were stunned when this huge dog came around the corner and knocked the daughter we had promised a dog to, down with his kisses. We knew he was for us. He grew to be 120 lbs of pure love and devotion. He saved my husband's life when 3 Pitbulls came into the yard to attack my husband who was on blood thinners at the time. Brady chased those dogs off of the property at only one year old. He was a genious and taught himself to sled down snowy hills on a frisbee. He loved to open Christmas presents, but never hurt the gift inside. He never needed a leash as he never wanted to leave our side. He loved snowballs and would catch them to eat. He accepted 2 new friends when we adopted 2 kitties from a shelter and let them have his bed from the very first night. Never showing a jealous bone in his body, he adopted them too. As he aged, his health began to fail and he developed hip problems. He now needs help to come in from the snow as he falls and can not get up. So, as our final gift to him, we are going to groom him with the pride of a showdog and give him lots of treats..I am making him a brand new bandana and we have spent many hours just loving him and telling him we will see him again. The vet will be coming to our home, so that Brady will never have to leave this property. I know his spirit will live on here as we grieve the loss of his beautiful smile and adoring eyes. He goes on ahead and I can just see him, running with grace and strength. I believe with all of my soul that heaven could not be what God has promised without him being there and so, I have told him to wait for me and listen for my whistle..it may be awhile before he hears it, but when he does, he knows to come to me and knock me down with his kisses. Afterall, he will be a puppy again and I will be young and strong enough to catch him. I pay tribute and honor to this special friend who has the deepest soul shining through in those eyes. I am heart broken at the thought of a world without his incredible life force. I don't know what I ever did in this life of mine to deserve such a gift. My life has been richer, sweeter and more profound for knowing him. I hope he can feel the same and take all the love I have for him with him as he falls asleep. Thank you God for choosing us to have the privilage of this tender and gentle soul..please help me to live without him. Goodbye, old friend...until we meet again.

Welcome to the world, little one!

Just when I thought life could not get any better, I am given another blessing! Her name is Madison Grace and she is my second grandchild, born on July 21st! She weighed in at 7 lbs. 3 oz. and she is absolutely gorgeous! What else would a proud Grammie say? Now I have two precious little lights in my life and life truly is good! I want to thank the Lord above for bringing Maddie into the world with no complications and for protecting my daughter, Emily during her difficult labor. It is definately a sign of how life comes full circle when my baby has her own! All I know is that between the birth of this little angel and my wonderful visit with my first granddaughter, Emily, I JUST CAN NOT STOP SMILING!